Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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