Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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