call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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