But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
