I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
