How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Still dying that you shit outside
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
