quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
