I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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