I need help removing her.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
my liver is dry heaving
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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