She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
