dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
