try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
