no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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