ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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