I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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