I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
