I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
