I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
