So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
