hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My penis needs a shock collar
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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