New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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