Your mouth is God's brothel.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize