drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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