im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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