so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
