1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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