We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
