I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
