I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
