My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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