and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize