i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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