people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
