I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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