i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
