I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
