put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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