if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
