So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
