Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
