yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
