The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
