i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize