i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
