The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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