She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
