Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
