I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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