sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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