It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
