when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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