Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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