Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
