Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
