fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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