she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
