you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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