I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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