How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
