Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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