Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
