Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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