My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
