that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
